Sparks are flying between you two like the 4th of July. It’s been hot and heavy and you’re at the point where you’re beginning to wonder if it’s just lust or something more.
At the beginning of a relationship it’s so easy to get caught up in that honeymoon phase. You can’t keep your hands off of each other and it’s hard to see beyond that.
But then you get to a point where you have to look at the other person and say is this love or just lust?
I’ve talked about this before, but I have been guilty of this on a number of occasions. Staying waaaaaaay past the expiration date of a relationship because I was in a sex haze. I couldn’t seem to pull myself out of it no matter how incompatible we were.
Chemistry is such an important part of a relationship, but it’s not the only part.
Here’s how to tell if the fireworks between you will last longer than the 4th of July:
- You have things in common
You share similar interests. You like to do some of the same things. You have things to talk about. Because once that honeymoon phase slows down (which it will eventually), there’s got to be more than just sex there. There’s got to be substance. Substance includes having things to talk about and do together because what are you supposed to do when you’re not having sex??
- You have similar values and goals
If he’s just looking to have fun and you’re looking for a husband and kids, it’s not going to work out. Make sure you’re on the same page with short and long term goals. I’m not saying you have to get married tomorrow, but make sure he eventually wants the same things as well. Make sure you know what’s important to you. What do you value most in life? Does he value the same things or similar things? Values are super important in a relationship and can be challenging if you’re not on the same page.
- There’s a friendship there
Do you laugh together? Do you have fun? Can you talk for hours and not get bored? Can you hang out with this person, sex aside and have a great time? Like I said before, the honeymoon phase slows down eventually and when it does you want to make sure you have more than just sex in common. My husband is my favorite person to hang out with. We always have so much fun and I can be 100% myself around him. I never get bored and he makes me laugh more than anyone else I know.
- You listen and respect each other
Communication is key. Being able to talk openly and honestly about how you feel and have it be respected is one of the MOST important parts of a relationship. Being able to be vulnerable and have it reciprocated plays a huge role in building trust. When you open up to him does he do the same? When you’re talking is he present, listening and responding?
- You’re not thinking with your head or your heart, but trusting your intuition
Everyone always says listen to your heart. I’m going to say don’t listen to your head or your heart, but get quiet and listen to that little voice inside of you. This is not the voice in your head. This is that tiny quiet voice that each of us has inside. You know the one I’m talking about. Sometimes it’s so quiet you can barely hear it. Other times it’s screaming at the top of its lungs. It’s like an internal GPS guiding us in the right direction. Listen to that voice. Trust that voice. If you feel something’s off, it most definitely is. If something feels really right, it most definitely is.