Forgiveness isn’t easy especially when someone’s really hurt you, but when we hold onto resentment, anger, shame, guilt, or pain from the past, our entire body and mind suffer.
That’s not good.
I’m not going to lie, even saying that word forgiveness brings on a strong reaction in my body. I have a lot of resistance around the word forgiveness. I think it comes down to the fact that in order to really forgive someone, you have to grieve what you thought the relationship was or could have been. That’s a hard pill to swallow.
Forgiveness is not about condoning the other person’s actions. It’s not implying that we tolerate a person’s hurtful behavior. Forgiveness is not really about the other person at all.
It’s about us.
It’s a gift that we give ourselves.
Maybe your ex-cheated on you or treated you really badly. Maybe a parent didn’t make you feel worthy of being loved. Maybe a friend betrayed you. Maybe you betrayed you. Whatever it is, it’s time to grieve what you thought the relationship was/could have been and forgive it.
It’s the only way to truly move on and heal your own self.
So how can you really TRULY forgive someone that’s hurt you?
You’re going to do something called the Peace Process.
Lay down or sit in a comfortable seat and close your eyes. Think about the person or situation that hurt you. Allow yourself to get into that negative feeling. Let it wash over you. When you feel it intensely, drop down into your body and observe any physical sensations. Notice where in your body you feel it. Sit with it for a few moments. Repeat the Ho’oponopono saying until the feeling/sensation dissipates:
Please forgive me.
I love you.
After you’ve finished, take some time to journal how this experience felt for you. If you still feel resistance around forgiving yourself or another person use the mantra:
While I don’t know how I am willing to forgive. Please ________ (God, Universe, Buddha, whatever you believe in), show me the way.
Forgiveness is a powerful gift that only you can give to yourself.
Be gentle and patient with yourself. You’re doing the best you can.