To get back together or not to get back together? That is the question!
You might be surprised to hear that Justin is actually my ex. We dated on and off through High School, but then broke up before heading off to college. So you might automatically assume I’m all for getting back with your ex.
Well you would be wrong.
Not that I’m against it totally, but it has to be for the right reasons.
While Justin and I weren’t together, I was in another serious relationship. And if you follow my blog regularly, you know how dysfunctional and tumultuous it was. While I wish I could go back and tell myself the things I know now, I also know that I learned A LOT of what I didn’t want in a relationship.
Anyway, with that being said I have had 2 polar opposite experiences with my exes. One I realized after time away, was the right guy for me. The other I haven’t given a second thought to since I said buh-bye.
I think that really knowing if it’s a good idea to give it another go or not takes time and time apart. It takes dating other people, getting in touch with yourself and what you want and it takes experience.
I knew that when I was done with my ex I was done for good. I had had it and there was nothing he could say or do that would make me want to get back together. I knew what I wanted and I KNEW that he wasn’t it. He didn’t have the qualities I was looking for in a serious long term forever kind of relationship.
Justin on the other hand was another story…
There were always feelings there. Feelings I tried really hard to ignore. Feelings at some points I didn’t realize I had. I did finally realize how I felt about him after taking time apart. 4 years of not speaking and a year of just being friends. Now while I know that might feel extreme to some people and not work for you, that’s what worked for me.
Taking the time apart and dating other people really taught me to trust my intuition. I learned to hone in on the qualities I was looking for. After I dated for a while it began to dawn on me that Justin had all of the qualities I was looking for.
THAT is the reason we got back together.
Not because I was bored or comfortable. Not because it was easy and putting myself out there was too scary. Not because I was addicted to drama or I couldn’t live without him.
It was because I knew without a shadow of a doubt that this was my forever guy.
If you and your ex are considering giving it another shot ask yourself these questions:
- What is my purpose?
- What are my reasons for wanting to try again with him?
- What didn’t work the first time?
- Why did we break up the first time? Do I think we’ve both grown and changed enough to learn from the past?
- Am I doing this because it’s comfortable/easy/I’m settling/addicted to the drama?
- Do I think he could be my forever guy?
- If it doesn’t work out, am I willing to be hurt again?
- If it does work out what would I be gaining?
- If he ended up with someone else and was no longer in my life, how would that make me feel? Could I imagine a life without him? (not in a jealous way)
- Do I know myself enough and trust myself enough to make this decision from a clear place?
- Am I 100% sure I’m doing this for the right reasons?