One of the first books I ever read about living a holistic lifestyle was Running with Nature: Stepping Into the Life You Were Meant to Live by Mariel Hemingway and Bobby Williams. It was given to me by my yoga teacher who happens to be Bobby’s sister. It was one of those books that opened my eyes and changed the way I thought about life. So when I saw that my DVR had recorded an episode of “Super Soul Sunday” with Mariel and Bobby I was thrilled.
The interview was great but there was one thing that Mariel said that really caught my attention. When she was talking about meeting Bobby she said:
“I mean, there was a recognition, and it was more than chemistry. It was, oh my God, this person speaks my language. And he can see me, and I’ve never felt seen.”
Well Mariel, now you’re speaking MY language. All humans every really want is to be seen. So many of us (myself included) put up walls and put on suits of armor. We are so afraid of being vulnerable and of actually being seen, yet it is the only thing we really want. What a contradiction!
My husband and I knew each other in high school and then went our separate ways in college. After college we reconnected and were just friends (I was going through my I-must-date-everyone phase). There always seemed to be something missing with every guy I dated. I couldn’t put my finger on it until one day it hit me like a wrecking ball:
Justin sees me, the real me.
Underneath the suit of armor I had on and the Great Wall of China I had constructed, he saw what was really inside. He understood me. I didn’t have to be something I wasn’t. I didn’t have to put on a show. He just got me.
I had never had that experience with anyone else. I always say I’m incredibly lucky, but I don’t think luck had anything to do with it. I think it was about knowing myself and getting really clear about what I wanted in a partner. Without realizing what I was doing I was looking for specific qualities that I wanted in my future husband. I’m not talking about 6 foot 3, brown hair, blue eyes and a body straight out of a Calvin Klein underwear ad. I’m talking about the characteristics that will create a deep, long lasting relationship.
Although these characteristics are different for everyone, I knew in my gut what I DESERVED and if I kept that image in my mind it would eventually show up at my doorstep. And show up it did like a cosmic combustion. After that moment I knew he was the one.
Mariel was right. It is so much more than just chemistry. You can have chemistry with anyone, but to have someone see you for who you really are and love you anyway is rarer than Miley Cyrus with her clothes on (not sure where all of the Miley references are coming from but anyway….), treat it that way. Take your list seriously and for the love of all things holy NEVER SETTLE.