Tools For Moving Through The Healing Process

 

This month I’ve been talking about the importance of not stuffing our emotions, disappointments, and traumas deep down inside and instead of bringing them to the surface so we can process them and move on.  When you don’t fully deal with your emotions they will manifest in all kinds of different ways. Whether that’s your health, future relationships, money or work they will find a way to pop up. It’s important to recognize when they’re happening, why they’re happening, what the behaviors are around it and then how to move through them.

In Christine Hassler’s book Expectation Hangover, she compares having an “Expectation Hangover” to surfing a wave. A surfer understands, appreciates and accepts the power of the ocean. He/she learns how to ride the wave of emotion instead of trying to fight against it.

The same is true when you’re finally ready to come face to face with your “Expectation Hangover”. It might get ugly, but don’t try to fight against it. Instead, learn how to ride the wave of emotions.

Christine recommends 2 tools that have really helped her and her clients and I think will help you too.

#1 Release Writing

Sit down in a comfortable place with a piece of paper and pen.  Think about which “Expectation Hangover” you feel you would like to process. Start to just write. Don’t think about anything. Don’t analyze anything. Don’t critique anything. Don’t worry about spelling or grammar.  Just write. And keep writing for as long as it takes to get it all out. Don’t leave anything behind. You will feel like a giant weight has been lifted off of your shoulders when you’re finished. Until then, keep writing. Emotions will come up.  Ride the emotional wave like the surfer. Don’t try to fight against it. Just let it happen. Have compassion with yourself and let yourself know that you are safe and loved and this cannot hurt you any longer. Use sentence starters like:

I’m angry because…

I’m sad because…

I’m ashamed because…

I’m disappointed because…

I’m scared because…

I feel guilty because…

When you’re all finished rip it up, burn it, throw it away. Don’t reread it. Just let it go. It’s gone for good and it can’t hurt you anymore.

#2 Temper Tantrum

Find a quiet comfortable place and bring along a candle, pillow, tissues and maybe a stuffed animal. Allow yourself to begin to really feeeeeeel into that “Expectation Hangover”.  Just sit with it. Place your hand on your heart so you know that you are loved and have compassion for yourself. Begin to say to yourself…

I’m mad because…

I’m sad because…

I’m hurt because…

This sucks because…

Let the emotions come up. If it’s anger, hit the pillow or scream into it. If it’s sadness, let yourself cry and give your stuffed animal a hug. Just allow yourself to fully feel those emotions. Remind yourself that it’s ok to feel and that everything will be ok. You’re doing great and keep going. I know it’s uncomfortable, but you have to fully feel your feelings so you can heal from your “Expectation Hangover”. As the emotions begin to subside start self-soothing. So maybe rock back and forth, put your arms around yourself or curl up to your pillow. Just take some time to be with yourself and then imagine yourself as a surfer returning to a beautiful beach and take three deep, slow breaths. After take some time to reflect in your journal.

 

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