When Change Feels Bittersweet

Change.

It’s something that I both dread and crave at the same time. I’ll be honest, change scares the shit out of me, but I always CRAVE it like chocolate during my period.

September always has the same effect on me as January does, bittersweet.  Another summer has come and gone. It was hands down one of the best summers of my life. And after this past year battling Lymes disease and healing from the falling out with my mom, it made it even sweeter.

As much as I’m ready to get back into my regular routine there’s a part of me that’s sad the summer’s over. My husband teases me about it and maybe it’s those old feelings of having to go back to school (or work when I was teaching) that has me feeling gloomy.

I’ve never been good with change. It’s something that I am very self-aware about. So right now I’m allowing myself to feel all of the feelings. To feel anxious, sad, worried, whatever comes up. Instead of trying to distract myself with something that will make me feel better I’m choosing to get comfortable with the discomfort.

Don’t get me wrong… I’m kicking and screaming doing it and all I want to do is run towards something that will bring me any sort of comfort. But I am making a conscious effort to remind myself to breathe, to acknowledge the discomfort and to let myself stay in this space for a little. I know as much as it’s uncomfortable right now it will pass and the more comfortable I get being uncomfortable those feelings will dissipate.

For now, I’m choosing to remember this summer with a big old smile on my face and to look forward to what the fall will bring. Bring on the pumpkin spiced lattes!

xo Jen

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