Why It’s Important To Stay Curious In A Long Term Relationship

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Two weeks ago I participated in my friend and fellow relationship coach’s Love Challenge. All of the challenges were great and inspiring, but one of them stood out to me. The challenge was to get curious about your partner and your relationship.

I am a curious person by nature. I always have been.  In fact it’s the ongoing joke among my friends. When I was teaching I would be more interested in the other teacher’s love lives then about teaching.

Please don’t judge me for that. That’s why I left teaching. But, this is how I knew I was meant to be a relationship coach. I get to be curious for a living!

This challenge brought up something BIG for me.

I’ve known my husband for 15 years. We grew up together. Went to the same High School. Lived in the same town. Had the same friends.  We’ve been dating 7 years and married for 3. It’s hard to be curious about someone when you feel like you know everything about them.

So when she asked us to do this challenge my first thought was “How can I still be curious about someone when I know everything about them?”

After I sat with that for a minute I decided to try it anyway.

For example…

We were on our way home from grocery shopping and he started talking about coaching kid’s basketball.  Normally I would glaze over it moving onto what we had to do when we got home, but that night I didn’t.

I decided to get curious.

I started asking him questions about it. It turns out when we were in High School his coach asked him to help out with the youth basketball team. He absolutely loved coaching and playing basketball with the kids.

Totally did not know that about him.

I never knew he had coached kids when we were younger and I had no idea that he loved it. So I started asking him more questions. Would he ever want to work with kids? Would he want to be our (future) children’s coach one day? What sports would he want to coach? What age group would he want to work with?

Something so wonderful happened in that moment.

First, I was reminded that I really don’t know everything about him.

Secondly, he can STILL surprise me.

It also reminded me that when I stop and take the time to ask him questions I find out things I might never have known. It makes me feel more connected to him, but also brings me back to when we first started dating.

That exciting time when you’re just starting to get to know someone. As they reveal things about themselves and you instantly feel more connected to them.

You know what feeling I’m talking about right?

Well staying curious helped create THAT feeling again.

If you’re in a long term relationship take time and ask him about his childhood, his work, his passions, his hopes and dreams. Stay curious. There’s got to be some things you still don’t know right??

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