Marriage is a lifetime commitment. Let that sink in for a minute. You are hitching your wagon to someone else’s for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. Sorry I don’t mean to scare you, but this is a serious COMITTMENT. One of the biggest ones you will ever make. With divorce rates so high in this country, you have to stop and wonder, what’s happening out there?
Nothing pisses me off more than girls who get married for all the wrong reasons. You know who I’m talking about. You know they don’t really love the guy their with but they are so obsessed with the idea of a wedding they don’t care who they marry.
In this wedding obsessed culture it’s easy to get caught up in all the hoopla. From the TV shows to the Pinterest boards, I know firsthand how you can get easily swept up in planning your dream wedding. But there is something that is not always talked about.
What happens after this dream wedding is over?
One day you wake up and look over at your new husband and think “What the hell did I do?” This is not the norm, but for the girls that do it for the wrong reasons THIS IS ALWAYS THE CASE.
Don’t let this be you because being married is both wonderful and hard. Make sure you do it with someone you know you want to be with for the long haul.
Here are my 5 signs you are getting married for the wrong reasons:
- You compare yourself to everyone else on social media
It’s not easy seeing everyone and their mother get engaged and post pictures of their huge rocks on Facebook. I get it. When your newsfeed is picture after picture of smiling brides in their wedding dresses you might start to freak out and feel the pressure. This is what Marie Forleo likes to call “taking shots of compare-shlager”. It’s when we cause our own pain and suffering by comparing where we are in our own lives to others. The best way to alleviate the stress is to stop checking Facebook as often. I know that sounds almost impossible, but do yourself a favor and limit how much you check your feed and put down that bottle of “compare-shlager”!
2. You’ve got your eye on the prize AKA a big shiny diamond
If all you care about is getting a diamond and showing it off to your friends, you’re going to have a problem. That’s not what getting married is about. It doesn’t matter what size your ring is or how much he spent on it. What matters is that it came from him. He gave it to you because he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you. Whenever I look down at my ring I think about how much my husband loves me. Don’t get me wrong, I would be lying if I said I didn’t care what it looks like. What I am saying is you have to want to spend the rest of your life with this person for other reasons besides wearing a big ol’ rock.
3. You just want to throw a big party
In this social media driven world we all want to outdo the other. We want our party to be bigger and better then the next girl. And these days with Pinterest and Facebook that’s exactly what we try to do. All we can think about is the big day. Even while I was engaged almost all of the focus was on the actual party. What type of flowers do I want? What flavor cake will I have? Will I get Cirque du Soleil to come and spew fire out of their ass? I mean it can get crazy! The focus is taken off you guys as a couple and it is all about that party. But when the party is over and the Cirque du Soleil performers go home, what’s left? Your marriage. It’s back to reality and sometimes reality isn’t a party.
4. All your friends are doing it
This seems to be a theme throughout life. As a child all your friends were eating glue, so why not? You did it too. In high school all your friends tried smoking, so why not? You did it too. Now all your friends are getting married, so of course you’re going to think why not? I should do it too. WRONG. Please do not get married because all of your friends are. This is a bad reason to commit your life to someone else’s. Like I said this is FOREVER we are talking about. Let your friends do what they’re doing and you take as long as you need to make sure you’ve found the one.
5. You don’t want to be alone
As a dating and relationship coach, I hear this all the time. “I’m staying with him because I don’t want to be alone”. Or “I’m staying with him because I don’t know what else is out there”. Or “I’m staying with him because I don’t want to be single again”. Different ways of saying it, but all with the same bottom line. You’re staying with him because you’re afraid of being by yourself. I can almost guarantee you that if you marry someone because you are afraid of being alone you will most definitely end up being alone. All of the issues you have before you get married will be magnified once you are married.
If you said yes to any of these 5 signs take a minute to see what’s going on in your relationship right now. Don’t get me wrong it’s an amazing and exciting time when your engaged and planning a wedding. However at the end of the day when the party is over and everything returns to normal you want to make sure you are with your guy because you can’t imagine life without him.