My feelings towards men can be summed up in one word…
And the more healing I do around my own body and sexuality the more complicated feelings come to the surface.
I formed my opinions about men at a young age from the men that were in my life. I learned that men were the powerful ones. They made the money and they held all the power in the decision-making process.
As I got older I was taught to be afraid of men. That they were unsafe and you had to be constantly looking over your shoulder in fear that you would be hurt.
I learned that to be accepted by men you had to try to be “one of the guys”, but also pretty, smart, funny, and a sprinkle of a damsel in distress (they really like that).
I learned not to wear certain things or act in a certain way because that attracted certain attention from men that you didn’t want. Either because it was unsafe or because you were viewed of as a slut.
I learned that you shouldn’t do too many things sexually with a guy because then you would be labeled as a slut and being a slut was bad.
I learned that sex is meant to be between married couples, should never be discussed or talked about openly, and was for procreation only.
I learned that you shouldn’t stand up to a man or speak your mind because that would emasculate them.
I learned that men cannot be trusted. That they can’t control themselves. That they will take advantage of you. That you should be careful and not put yourself in a bad situation.
I learned that a man’s feelings, desires, pleasure, sexual needs come before mine.
I learned that men will hurt you.
I learned that men will always want the newer, younger, shinier version of you so keep your man happy and watch your back.
I learned that men are the saviors and the ones who will save you from bad shit happening.
I learned that all men want from me is sex and they’ll do whatever they have to to get it.
What became my beliefs about men is that they are unsafe, cannot be trusted, they will hurt you and I should be afraid of them.
To me men = fear.
But I’m healing that masculine wound and actively choosing to see men in a different way. I working on releasing that old paradigm to make room for what I ACTUALLY want to believe about men.
That they are innately good. That they are doing the best they can. That they are struggling with their own shit. That they just want to make me happy. That I am safe with them.
I’m forgiving myself for buying into the misunderstanding that men are unsafe and that leads to me getting hurt.
I’m reframing my thoughts from feeling like I’m a victim or prey around them to feeling like a desirable powerful woman. That when a man gives me attention it’s not because he wants to hurt me, it’s because I’m an attractive desirable woman. That when my husband wants to have sex with me it’s not because that’s all he cares about, it’s because I’m a desirable woman and he’s attracted to me.
Identifying that these are my beliefs, forgiving myself for buying into the misunderstanding, reframing my thoughts, and choosing to see them differently will fully heal the wound I have around men.