I had someone the other day ask me how I got past the guilt and shame with sex because of my religious upbringing and I really feel called to speak to that. Because it’s complicated AF.
I grew up Catholic and learned things like:
Sex is evil
Being a slut is a sin
Sex is for procreation only
Pleasure from sex is bad
Your body is shameful
You shouldn’t have sex before you’re married
Being a woman is shameful
Men have all the power
Sex is shameful and should never be talked about
Masturbation is a sin
So to say my view of sex was completely distorted is an understatement.
I hated my body. I rarely wanted to have sex. I felt powerless. The only pleasure I was experiencing was through food.
I had never made the connection that these beliefs were so deeply ingrained in my psyche. I just thought they were normal and everyone felt them.
When they were brought to my attention that they were affecting my life, my business, my sex life, my confidence, my health, it blew my mind. I never connected the dots.
I knew I HAD to heal this. I knew that this wound was deep and it desperately wanted to be healed.
There are so many things you can do to begin to unravel this and heal it, but let’s start at the beginning.
- Identify the beliefs you have around your body and sexuality.
Write them down in a journal. Just keep writing all of them until it feels complete.
- Forgive yourself for buying into the misunderstanding that sex is bad, or shameful, or that your body is shameful.
Whatever it is for you, forgive yourself for believing these those thoughts.
- Reframe your thoughts.
What do you want to believe about your sexuality, your body, men, religion, etc?
- Choose to see it differently.
Look around and begin collecting new evidence to support the new story you have around your sexuality. Make a conscious effort to see it differently.
Other things you can do:
- Work with a coach or therapist (message me and I can recommend some good ones)
- Read the book Pussy: A Reclamation by Regena Thomashauer (this book literally changed my life)
- Work with a yoni egg (this helped energetically heal my root chakra like WHOA)
- Get curious about your pleasure. Do something every day for the sake of pleasure only.
- Take a course or class on sexuality.
- Take a sensual dance class or just put on some sensual music and dance at home.
- Reconnect with your body. Touch yourself both sexually and non sexually and remember how good it feels to be in your body. Your body is meant to be a vessel of pleasure.
Always remember there is nothing wrong/bad/shameful/evil about you. You deserve your desires. You are enough.