Heartbreak…it’s the topic of many late night phone calls with your girlfriends, movies, songs and for a lot of us a pivotal turning point in our lives.

At least in my experience, it was.

I was 21 and had just broken up with the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

My world and everything I had known for those 4 years were completely shattered. I couldn’t get out of bed, I couldn’t eat and my mind was consumed with questions like how did we get here? How did this happen to US?

At the time, the way I coped was by going out with my girlfriends, drinking until all hours of the night and talking to as many guys as I could, followed by the angry drunk texts to my ex and ending with me crying into a box of Kleenex.

Now while I know my 21-year-old self did the *BEST* she could with what she knew, my 31-year-old self wants to take her lovingly in my arms and tell her (with the most compassion of course) that this is not the way to handle heartbreak.

So if you’re going through a break up first please please please have the most compassion for yourself. You are truly doing the best that you can. Breakups are earth-shatteringly devastating so please give yourself the time to grieve. And yes I used the word grieve because it is a loss. It’s the loss of someone you loved and shared a life with.

Also, reach out for support. You don’t have to do this on your own. There are so many people who love you and want to help you through this difficult time so don’t be afraid to lean on them. They don’t call it a support system for nothing.

Give yourself time. Healing takes time, so allow yourself the time you need. Don’t try to get over it and move on to the next guy without giving yourself the space you need to grieve and heal. Distractions only last for so long. Alcohol and trying to hook up with any guy to get your mind off of things only feels good in the moment. The next morning it won’t feel as good I can promise you that.

Just remember that this won’t last forever. One day you’ll wake up and it won’t hurt so bad anymore. You’ll be able to look back and find the beautiful lessons you learned throughout your time together and in the pain of the breakup. One day you’ll wake up and feel like you again, but different. Stronger (but not hard), more compassionate (but not a pushover), happy (but not in a fake for Facebook kind of way).

So in the meantime, hang in there and ride the wave. One day that wave will land you safely and gently back to shore.

xo Jen

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