Dating is not for the faint of heart. It’s tough and anyone who’s willing to put themselves out there is a hero in my book.

When I was in my early 20s I was a total mess. I was running around town without a clue of who I was, what I wanted or what I DESERVED. I let men dictate how I felt about myself.

If he called I felt worthy. If he didn’t I was worthless. If he asked me out I felt deserving. If he didn’t I felt not good enough. If he kissed me I felt lovable. If he didn’t I felt like there was something wrong with me.

It was a dangerous situation to be in to allow a man to have all of the power over my self-worth. It was not one of my proudest moments.

It wasn’t until I realized that I could stop believing the stories in my mind and that I had the power to decide how I wanted to feel, that everything changed.

I no longer cared if he called or not. If he wanted to date me or not. If he wanted to kiss me or not.

Those things didn’t matter because I was in charge of how I felt about myself and I didn’t need a man to validate it. It’s incredibly freeing to take ownership of yourself and your feelings instead of blaming it on others.

After that it was game on.

My confidence was on another level and I started dating A LOT. All of these really amazing guys started showing up out of nowhere.  But I knew that I was in charge of who I wanted to go out with and how much time and energy I wanted to invest in that person.

The problem was I thought confidence was about how I looked. What I realized is confidence is a mindset. How you approach dating is a mindset.

Right now;


  • Comparing yourself to others
  • Focusing on what you don’t want
  • Negative self-talk
  • Apologizing for who you are
  • Only seeing your flaws
  • Being a perfectionist
  • Settling for less than you deserve
  • Living out of alignment with your values
  • Letting people disrespect your boundaries w/o holding them accountable
  • Listening to what friends/family/media/culture/religions think you should do/be.


  • Smiling and making eye contact
  • Putting on some lipstick
  • Creating an empowering playlist
  • Moving your body (dance, run, walk, swim, bike)
  • Feeding your body foods that nourish it
  • Spending time doing things you love
  • Creating
  • Talking with a friend
  • Saying thank you when someone compliments you
  • Standing up straight with your head high
  • Celebrating successes no matter how big or small
  • Journaling
  • Putting on your favorite outfit or shoes
  • Creating a mantra and repeat it to yourself daily (For example, I am filled with energy and joy. I am worth loving. I am perfect the way I am. I’m excited for what the future holds.).

By incorporating these practices into your life, you will feel instantly more confident and be able to go out into the world and show people who you truly are.

Are you ready to improve your confidence EVEN MORE?  It’s not too late to sign up for my How To Be The Most Confident Girl In The Room 4 week program.

xo Jen

PS- Looking for a community of bubbly, compassionate, daring, fun-loving women that feel like they’ve been your girlfriends forever? Join my Facebook community Fearless & Fabulous Love where women just like you are inspiring and supporting one another to create the love life of their dreams!

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