Self-love at its core is the practice of noticing when you’re out of love and kindly bringing yourself back.
What is not self love is thinking you’re doing it wrong or you don’t have what you want in life because you don’t love yourself enough or you can only love yourself when you have x, y, z.
There is no THERE with self-love. It’s a consistent practice. And the more you practice it, the more you will attract the things that are in alignment with love.
There are 6 S’s in self-love. Self-acceptance, self-forgiveness, self-expression, self-talk, self-care, and self-acknowledgment. All are equally important to your self-love practice.
- Radical self-acceptance love is unconditional loving yourself right here and right now. Even if there are things you want to shift or goals you want to achieve, you accept and love yourself for the person you are right now. It’s not about loving your future self and feeling like you can only love yourself once you’ve accomplished x, y, z. It’s about loving your current day and past self no matter what that looks like.
- Self-forgiveness means that you stop beating yourself up for things in the past. You let go of those things knowing that you learned valuable lessons from each experience and are moving on. It’s choosing to forgive yourself for judgments you made of yourself and other. It’s about forgiving people who have caused you pain because holding onto anger, resentment or blame is not self-loving.
- Self-expression means expressing feelings even when it’s uncomfortable. You have to have the courage to feel the feelings. You can’t just jump to forgiveness without honoring what’s real and really feel into those feelings. It means speaking your truth and expressing what you need. It means saying it with truth and love. If someone’s hurt you sometimes it’s ok to speak up and let them know. But it doesn’t always necessarily mean you have to say it to the person. You can write them a letter you never send or talk to someone about how you’re feeling, but you have to get our feelings out. You don’t want to hold them inside. It takes too much energy and can lead to depression, anxiety, and other health-related issues.
- Self-talk isn’t so much about what we say to others, but more about what we say to ourselves. If we’re being critical, judgmental, and negative that’s not being self-loving. My rule of thumb is to talk to yourself the way you would to someone you love.
- Self-care we need to keep our self-care tank full. Even when it starts to get a little low we need to fill it back up. This means taking the time that’s just for us and enjoying life. Pleasure is one of the most underrated things in life that we all REALLY need. So take a hot bubble bath, a yoga class, meditate, orgasm, read a good book, enjoy a piece of chocolate and express your creativity. We all need time that’s just for us in order to keep our tanks full.
- Self-acknowledgment means feeling proud of yourself for the big and little things. It’s not just about acknowledging yourself for achieving your goals, but being proud of yourself for speaking up, having courage, for no particular reason, or just looking in the mirror and loving the person you see. Be your own best friend. Keep your word with yourself so you build self-trust.
Most importantly, spend time with yourself and have fun!