Raise your hand if you are guilty of (from time to time) relying on someone else to make you happy.
No judgments here.
I was having a bit of a tough day. I was just feeling down and frustrated about some things and what was or wasn’t, in this case, happening in my life. So I called up Justin to talk to him about it. And he was so great, so supportive, so understanding.
After we talked he said why don’t I take you out to dinner tonight to make you feel better? My first reaction was, that is SO not going to make me feel better.
It occurred to me when he asked me to go out to dinner. Nothing that he did or said was going to make this better. Only I could make this better. Only I could truly make me happy. I had to do the inner work to see my outer world change. He can’t do that for me.
While it was so sweet and thoughtful, going out to dinner was not going to make my problems disappear.
That got me thinking…how many times have I relied on Justin to make me happy?
When I really admitted it to myself, it was a lot.
In the past, I relied so heavily on Justin to make me feel better. I would complain about my problems and expect him to do something to fix it or provide me with a temporary distraction to get me out of my funk. But that temporary distraction was just that, temporary. It never lasted long. Like binge watching tv, devouring a pint of ice cream, or finishing off a couple of bottles of wine. It might have felt good in the moment, but it didn’t fix anything. If anything, I usually woke up feeling worse.
That’s what happens when you rely on someone else to make you happy. The happiness is only temporary. It doesn’t last forever. In the moment it might feel good, but know tomorrow your problems will still be there. Doing the inner work is what’s key to seeing change and no one can do that but you.