If anyone has been obsessed with this season of the Bachelorette as I was, you might have been shocked and disappointed by JoJo’s choice. Literally the entire season she kept saying how much she had doubts about Jordan. There were stories of him doing this for fame (well duh). Stories of how he cheated on his last girlfriend. Even her own family told her to choose Robby! And by the end of the season, it was so glaringly obvious that Jordan wasn’t ready to spend forever with her.
But she made excuse after excuse and picked him anyway.
I saw that train wreck coming from a mile away.
Oh reality television…
But that got me thinking about women and why we make 101 excuses for men and for relationships that are clearly so wrong for us.
I started to think back to my previous relationship with an ex-boyfriend whose behavior was so bad it still makes me cringe to think about. For 4 years I made excuse after excuse to my friends, family and to myself. Why was I making excuses for his bad behavior and his lack of respect for me and our relationship?
There are a few answers to that question. The first one is that I didn’t want people to think badly of him and our relationship. I felt that it was a reflection of me and that I was doing something wrong. I wanted everyone to think that he was wonderful and our relationship was perfect (yes I am a recovering perfectionist). I didn’t want people to know how bad it was so I covered it up with a smile plastered to my face and one excuse after another. I wanted people to look at us and see how “in love” and happy we were. I cared waaaaaaay too much about what everyone else thought back then.
I wanted so desperately to believe that he loved me that I was willing to do just about anything to get it. I wanted our relationship to work more than anything because I was so terrified of being wrong. I had this idea in my mind that we were going to spend forever together and I couldn’t bring myself to admit that it might not happen. I also was terrified of being single again. I didn’t want to be alone, so I justified his behavior in my mind and made excuses for it.
I thought I could change him (if I had a penny for every time I heard that). I thought if I tried harder, was a better girlfriend, I could change him and his behavior. Well that turned out to be so clearly wrong. I couldn’t change him. The only thing I could change was myself. And I did just that.
So if you find yourself making 101 excuses for your guy (either boyfriend or potential boyfriend), stop and ask yourself, why am I making these excuses? What am I hoping to get out this situation? What’s really going on? What am I trying to convince myself of? Do I really want to be making these excuses to myself, friends and family forever? And I will tell you from experience the answer is no to that one. It’s exhausting!